Aint It Da Truth...

I hate slang!! I am particularly careful when I speak, as to not sound like everyone else. Even when I text I use perfect English. No short cuts. No using numbers for words. I spell everything out trying my hardest not to conform. However, it is hilarious to me that the minute one of my knuckle head children does something to irritate me, the "Brook Lynn" in me rears her ugly, and might I add, ghetto head. Case in point: Today my 7 year old daughter (let's call her "M" so when I'm old and gray she doesn't put me in a home for putting her business in the streets) rolled her neck at me. I couldn't even tell you what we were talking about because I blacked out. All I remember are these words. "Who is you talkin' to. Imma give you 2 seconds to undastan dat I will reach round dis' chair n slap da black off ya." Go ahead and judge me if you want, but I know every parent, no matter how educated, has had one of these moments. Now ain't that da truth?

Allow me to reintroduce myself...

Eager to discuss the dreadful but still humorous details of my evening last night, I neglected to introduce myself to those I hope to entertain. So.... allow me to reintroduce myself...My Name is Tiffani (did you guys sing the Jay Z Song in your head as you read that cause I definitely sang it as I typed it). However, at any given time you might 'read' me refer to myself as one of my many alter ego's: Tiff (my bestest friends call me that), T.I. (when I'm getting my Rihanna on), T.Diddy (that's my karaoke stage name), Mom(yeah I have kids), and *embarrassed*.... "Yo" (given to me by my loving, affectionate and romantic husband). Feel free to call me any of those with the exception of the last, just for the simple fact that it's so darn special.

Now, briefly, here are a few facts about me that you may want to know. I like to eat most anything that isn't still moving on my plate. I love to watch movies. My favorite genre? I would have to say action and romantic comedies, and if I'm lucky enough to find a movie that combines both I might skip buying the bootleg and go to an actual theater. I love being creative. My sister tells me that all my hobbies are expensive ones. I find this to be an absolute ludicrous statement considering how cheap...I mean frugal I am. Anyway a list of those hobbies, expensive or not, would be: photography, scrapbooking, anything Photoshop, makeup, and sleeping. I am the middle of three girls by the way, and you haven't witnessed Middle Child Syndrome like the kind I will be unleashing upon you.

Most everything else that's interesting to me, and about me, I expect you will be finding out as and if you choose to continue reading my blogs. I hope to entertain you with my life stories, and anomalistic way of thinking. So sit back, relax and laugh, and just try not to let whatever your drinking come through your nose.

So today was a very eventful day. My parents house was broken into and ransacked. Though most people would be terribly frightened, depressed, or saddened, I, your resident comic relief was armed and ready with my usual wit. I could not help but go on about how dumb the thieves were leaving behind all the "good stuff". Although those morons did get away with two laptops, some jewelry, and a few hundred dollars of loose change my parents had been collecting, the clueless culprits left behind plenty of goods that could have been used to fund, I'm sure, some drug habit. Big screen TV's, crystal vases, speakers, printers, extra sets of car keys, and checkbooks were all left behind wondering themselves why they were overlooked Underwear draws were turned upside down, I'm positive, by the idiot henchmen (you know there is always a pinky and brain type character in these types of scenarios) probably looking for lacey thongs, or crotchless women's wear to wear under his clothes or on top of his head. And while my mother interviewed the neighbors and my father talked with the detectives, I entertained my two sisters. I wondered out loud what would have happened if my parents returned home early for a "nooner" (sick to think about but still funny)? Would the thieves freeze and pretend to be one with the couch? I couldn't help but think...out loud..."Did those bastards make themselves a plate while they were here? They could have touched our fried chicken, watched our cable." I thought. I did at one point become saddened by the fact that they did stumble across and steal my dad's shotgun, but that thought was qickly followed by "Those fools will be on the 10 o'clock news tonight for accidentally shooting each others heads off while trying to pose for a suvounair photo. LOL...now that would be a Karmic ass whoopin at it's best.